dirty little secret ~ levi

[julia marie deckertt]

every night it was something different, wether it was getting drunk on her own or getting drunk at a party, julia deckertt, or juls as most people knew her by, was always drunk. however, in her current setting of the darkness of her bedroom she was completely sober, and miserable. she rolled onto her stomach and let out a loud groan. she was hungover, miserable, hungry and tired. she pushed herself off of her bed and her barefeet hit the hardwood floor. she shivered slightly, the air was on and the floor was extra cold. she stepped up off the bed and her pajama pants fell over her feet, being two sizes to big. she stepped into the hallway, shutting her bedroom door behind her. the house was quiet, her sister wasnt home. after her parents were murdered they had left their children each a portion of their vast millions. juls had discussed it with her siblings and she moved into their mansion and re did it, leaving some things the same. it took her some time to get rid of the haunting family portraits and replace them, but juls was strong, or so she thought.

stepping down the marble staircase her footsteps echoed, she hated being alone this late at night, it was eerie and the house was too big for her and her little sister. her other siblings visited here and there but it was just her and her sister. she stepped into the kitchen and the lights popped on, she was still getting used to the automatic lights so she jumped. looking in the sink she looked up and headed to the fridge. opening it she pulled out some chinese food leftovers and began to eat them out of the container. soon finishing it she threw the container out and the plastic fork with it. the house was silent and the only thing making noise was the dog snoring in the other room. the silence however, was soon broken by her phone ringing like crazy upstairs. hearing it faintly, juls took off, skipping every other step on the way up to her room, she flopped on her bed and answered, it was her friend. she was drunk, at some party and begging juls to come be her wingwoman.

after many attempts of saying no, julia finally agreed and told her she'd be right over. she was going to wind up being dd tonight, she knew it. she just wasnt in the mood to drink. slipping out shorts, a cropped shirt and sneakers she headed to the bathroom and did her hair and makeup. looking at herself in the mirror she smiled. grabbing her cell phone, purse and keys she slid down the stairs with ease and out the door, after setting the alarm, the house went dark as the outside lights rang on. she unlocked her jeep and slipped into the drivers side. starting it with ease she flipped the lights on and was off in a second. she drove about ten minutes to the party. it was in a decent sized house, and there was alot of people there. parking a few spots away she got out and locked the car, leaving everything inside it. she slipped her keys into her shorts pocket and walked up the grass and headed inside.

the music was loud and people were dancing on one another. she looked around and shrugged, not seeing anyone that she knew. she headed into the kitchen, nodding at a few people she recognized, and stopped at the counter in front of the sink. she grabbed a cup and leaned against the counter, sipping at the drink. she eyed up the room, looking for anyone, someone she knew.

TAGGED levi OUTFIT click NOTES sorry it sucks

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[leviticus declan moore]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width:400px; background-color:#ffffff; border: solid #87649F 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 10px;] we'll play the same old games and we'll wait for the end to change - he was drunk. it was rare that levi actually got drunk but tonight had been the first night in a while he had gotten off the following day . of course his day had started off normal. he had gone for the afternoon shift at the restaurant. work seemed to be the only thing his life revolved around all of a sudden. he supposed that was better then sitting at home having nothing to do. that was why he had gotten the second job. just to have something to do instead of moping around being depressed at his apartment. now he didn’t have time to feel sorry for himself about the way his life was heading. after work he had gone home exhausted and crashed. usually he tried to stay up and go to sleep at a decent hour but since he had already planned to go to this party he figured a couple hours of sleep could do him so good. the next thing he knew his phone was ringing and it was late evening. answering the phone he realized it was his date for that night and after muttering a quick sorry and saying he’d be there in twenty he had a quick shower got dressed and left going to pick her up. his friend lived down the road from where the party was so he parked at his place and made arrangements to crash their once they were done the party instead of worrying about a designated driver after that he had gone back to his old ways. drink after drink. dance after dance. and now here he was in the kitchen working on some more shots laughing at something his buddy said beside him. downing a shot he saw his blonde date come in and tell hi to give her more attention. squinting at her he laughed slightly and nodded. “okay okay lissa” says taking her hand. hearing her tell him her name was molly he looked at her and shrugged not really caring letting her lead him into the living room where everyone was dancing. normally levi didn’t come to these types of parties. he was more of a night club kind of guy not a house party but since he knew the girl hosting it he thought he would be nice to drop in. but once he came here he saw a bunch of people he hadn’t seen for a long time and next thing he knew he was pretty drunk. usually he knew when to stop himself. he knew his limit. and it wasn’t like he couldn’t hold his liquor or anything but he was going to have a killer hangover the next day. not that he cared. he’d just sleep it off and be good as new. moving his hands onto the girls hips he started dancing with her. he didn’t particularly like this one. she was too whiney for him, but she was hot, he couldn’t deny that. she was great for a one night fling. of course a girl like her probably thought it would be more then that but really no one got much past the one night stands unless it was a constant arrangement of non committed sleeping together. feeling her lips on his he kissed her back thinking finally he’d be able to get somewhere so he could leave. when he heard one of his friends call to get a room he broke the kiss laughing and looked up seeing julia deckertt come in. his drunken self wanted to go over there and fight with her just to make him feel better but he still knew this would be a better way of pissing her off. dancing his date into her line of sight he waited until he caught her eye a mischievous smile playing across his face as he held her gaze for a few seconds before pulling the blonde girl closer to him and kissing her hard. - status: finished. outfit: HERE. listening to: same mistakes one direction.

[julia marie deckertt]

it ws something else, being in this room with all the people that she knew, and yet she felt more alone then ever. tapping the side of the cup with her finger she let out a long drug out sigh and looked up around the room. she glanced in the living room and her jaw nearly hit the floor. levi was here. shit she managed to mumble out, looking down into her drink without a second glance. she couldnt help but feel pain and regret inside of her. for she was the one who screwed him over. she looked up and felt him glancing at her, their eyes held and he was all over the blonde he was with. she blinked and looked back at her cup, she was way to sober to be dealing with this right now. taking a huge gulp from her cup she finished it in a matter of moments, glared over at him and then softened her eyes.

she couldnt be mad at him, he had every right to hate her. she rolled her eyes and huffed, more at herself then at him and headed to the keg, pouring more of the beer into her cup. she wast not going to deal with this sober, she needed to be drunk. finishing up yet another cup she was offered a shot, and downed that followed by half a cup. things were esclating quicker then she had planned, but hey, that was julia's life. everything went too fast and she didnt have time to grab hold of what was going on. she rolled her eyes and filled her drink heading out into the house to venture, it was time to make her drunk self known, she bumped into a few people scoffing at them as they cursed her, being sure to bump into the blonde as she sauntered by, knocking her into levi. she kept walking, not glancing back for a split second. she headed back into the main room of the house and stood on the second step on the staircase, looking down at the people. she drank the rest of her drink and dropped her cup, her body falling to the step, sitting. she was starting to feel something.

TAGGED levi OUTFIT click NOTES sorry it sucks

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[leviticus declan moore]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width:400px; background-color:#ffffff; border: solid #87649F 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 10px;] we'll play the same old games and we'll wait for the end to change - levi would never admit how much she hurt him when she left. he didn’t know if he had even told any of his best friends or even his family. he just pretended that he was fine and that he saw it coming. that was probably the worst part. once day he was with her trying to help and the next she was gone. he tried not to think about any of this but he hadn’t expected her to come back. it would have been easier if she had just stayed gone. he might have been able to move on and actually date someone again. but here she was and now he was here trying to make her jealous. if he was a bit more sober he’d probably want to slap himself out of it but his drunken mind just said show her you don’t need her anymore. of course he was probably making her realize he was still hurt but he didn’t even think of that when he started flaunting the girl in front of her. the only thing he thought was I hope she gets a bit of the feelings I do. he let himself get lost in the kiss and dancing with her trying to put juls out of his head even though he knew she was here. of course that was interrupted when she pushed past them causing the girl to fall against his chest. he heard her complaining but his eyes were on juls. turning back to the girl he squinted at her slightly “your boring me, im going to go drink some more” mutters not waiting to hear what she said ass he mad his way into the kitchen mixing some alcohol and taking a sip before staggering back through the house seeing juls on the stair. normally he probably would have walked right past her but for some reason he wanted to fight. if they fought maybe he’s stop thinking of her. making his way over he practically fell to the step next to her stretching his legs and leaning back on the top step before his brown eyes found hers. taking a large sip of his drink he sighed. “you know you didn’t have to push her like that, poor girl could have fallen” says to her not really caring about the girl at all. she was just a distraction to him. everyone knew that. he didn’t really care about any of the girls he slept with. they were just convenient for him at the time. but she didn’t have to know that. she could think they were dating for all he cared. seeing the cup she had just finished he looked back up at her. “I heard you drink party some” mutters trying to keep his thoughts in check blinking slightly and trying again “I hear you drink and party a lot” fixes what he said before trying not to slur his words and looks up at her. “you never use to be much of a drinker” shrugs slightly. of course she could say the same for him. when he was with her he didn’t drink as much as he did now. of course he never drunk as much as he has tonight. he wondered if he’d even be able to get up from the staircase or if he’d just end up passing out there. shrugging that thought off he downed the rest of his drink - status: finished. outfit: HERE. listening to: same mistakes one direction.

[julia marie deckertt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 380px; background-color:#fff; border-left: 0px solid #cdcdcd; border-right: 0px solid #cdcdcd;] sitting on the staircase she let her mind wander. closing her hazel eyes. what the hell was she doing here. she should have just stayed in vegas, never came back to miami. after everything that happened she deserved every single shitty emotion that went through her body and she knew it. letting her eyes fall open she scanned the living room, the blonde that she had just casually bumped into was now standing alone in the middle of the room. reading her lips she recognized what she was saying. she was calling for levi. juls couldnt help but laugh out loud at this girl. had she really thought he cared about her? everyone knew that he didnt, it was easy to tell. juls let out a sigh and looked in her lap. if it hadnt been for her, none of this would have happened. that poor girl wouldnt be miserable, and she would have been happy, still with levi. but no, she decided to run away from her problems, drink them away. she looked at the cup in her hand and took a sip of it, now nearly gone she looked up and from the corner of her eye noticed levi staggering to the step. he was drunk, and that was an actual understatement. he was plastered and she knew that was going to end in two ways, they were going to fight or she was going to leave in tears. either way, it wasnt what she wanted. none of this was what she wanted, but for some reason, this seemed to be the only way she could ever see or speak to levi. she rolled her eyes and looked in her drink again, hoping it would have all the answers and when it didnt and she had to speak she swallowed, finding her voice and answering his statements. she found herself laughing at him, well more of the fact he was speaking of the blonde. like you care about what happens to her. dont play that game levi. she lowered her voice, a bit annoyed at the fact he was here right now. yes running into him was ineveitable, considering they shared alot of friends. she looked back up when he spoke, some curls falling around her face. the room was getting louder and people were running around screaming. it was actually giving her a slight headache. she watched him as he staggered to find his words, she knew that he was drunk and going to say things he didnt mean, but she was going to take it because she knew she deserved it. sighging she shrugged and leaned back against the step. people change i guess. i could say the same for you she stated nodding at him and at the cup that was in his hands. she wanted to say some smart ass comment about seeing how he is having fun but she didnt. because thats what she wanted, she wanted him happy. TAGGED; LEVI, WEARING; CLICK

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[leviticus declan moore]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width:400px; background-color:#ffffff; border: solid #87649F 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 10px;] we'll play the same old games and we'll wait for the end to change - levi knew he really shouldn’t be doing this. not when he was this drunk. he was going to say something he regretted or do something he regretted. either way this was going to end with the two of them in worse condition then they were in now. of course this could go even worse for him and he could kiss her or something. then she would know he was definitely not over her and things would get even worse for him. that was the one thing he didn’t want her to know. that he still cared. he wanted to be indifferent and asshole even if he had to be. turning his head to her a smile formed on his lips. she was right. looking back towards the crowd where he girl was still looking for him he laughed slightly. it was mean of him but in this state he didn’t have an ounce of sympathy for the girl. she should have listened to her friends and stayed clear from him. he was no good for her or any of the other girls. but girls seemed to always come back to the assholes. he could probably leave her like that the whole night and still get laid when he was ready to leave. shrugging slightly he turned back to juls “she’s like a lost puppy without me, oh well ill find her later when im ready to turn in for the night” he probably would just leave her here to find her own ride home at the end of the night. he couldn’t be bothered to even sleep with her in this state which was really saying something about how drunk he was. hearing her comment about his drinking he laughed slightly. “I don’t usually drink this much but I figured why the hell not, and now that you’re here I think it was a good idea, id be far less kind sober you know, or I would have left” thinks about that for a few seconds. “yep I would have left, now if you’ll excuse me I think people are sharing a joint over there and I want some’ says pointing to the corner. he wasn’t usually one to do drugs but every now and then, especially recently he had been doing some pot. getting up he staggered slightly grabbing the wall to balance himself. “on second thought I think ill go outside” says more to himself then to her and stumbling outside without looking back at her managing to sit on the curb. his head was spinning and now he really regretted drinking all of those drinks. leaning back he pulled his smokes out of his pocket holding one between his lips while he fumbled with his light and when he was finally able to light it he took a drag sighing slightly holding his head in his hands. - status: finished. outfit: HERE. listening to: same mistakes one direction.

[julia marie deckertt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 380px; background-color:#fff; border-left: 0px solid #cdcdcd; border-right: 0px solid #cdcdcd;] she sat there silently as he spoke towards the blonde. julia couldnt help but let her head follow his eyes, er eyes resting on the blonde girl. she was drunk and most likely going to end up alone tonight. julia couldnt help but laugh at her. how could one person be so stupid that she had to throw herself on guys to get them to want anything to do with her. julia rolled her eyes and looked at levi. he would have been not so kind sober? julia couldnt help but snort at this comment. they both knew that the drunker he was the more of an asshole he was, or at least that what it seemed to be every time she ran into him and he was drunk. she let out a simple shrug and looked inside of her cup. i dont blame you she paused and looked back up. he could have left. he could have left her right there on the step, done exactly what she did to him. what she deserved. she wanted to stand up, run upstairs and vomit, run outside and leave, run into the kitchen and get more alcohol, but instead she stayed where she was and didnt say one single word. the silence was sickening between them. there was a house, packed to the walls with drunk human beings around them, screaming like animals. and yet, they managed to sit here in complete and utter silence. julia knew that she should take the silence to apologize, but she didnt dare let that linger. she didnt want to sting an already open wound, especially not with alcohol in her, or levi's system. as he spoke the silence still lingered and julia looked up. he was pointing t oa group of large junkies sitting in the corner, laughing, eating something and passing around a large joint. julia looked at him. since when do you smoke? she raised her eyebrows. that was somewhat of a stupid statement. he had every right to smoke. he had every right to smack her, curse at her, do whhatever he pleased. watching him, he staggered out the door and julia was left there to make a decision. did she go outside, did she stay inside, or did she just lay down and die. things were way to awkward then they needed to be, and she decided to leave him alone, but wanted to at least make sure he was ok first. she managed to get up from the step, nearly falling over. she was already starting to feel the drunk set in, and her stomach was telling her it was going to be a short night if she kept doing shots and downing cups of beer. she opened the door slightly, looking at him. she just wanted to make sure that he was alright, but before she could even manage to get back inside the house someone had bumped into her, causing her to stumble outside, the door slamming behind her. she simply stood there, staring at her feet in the most awkward way possible. she closed her eyes and felt the world spinning beneath her as she grabbed onto the handle of the porch. TAGGED; LEVI, WEARING; CLICK

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[leviticus declan moore]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width:400px; background-color:#ffffff; border: solid #87649F 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 10px;] we'll play the same old games and we'll wait for the end to change - at this point levi couldn’t even pay attention to anything around him. it took all his effort to remain in a sitting position outside the house. taking another drag of the cigarette he dropped it to the ground and slowly put his foot over it putting it out. he had gone way overboard on the drinking something he would regret immensely in the morning. at this point though he didn’t care. getting up he staggered slightly turning to see Julia standing their awkward. resting his hand on the side of the house he watched her for a few minutes. he wondered why she was just standing there doing absolutely nothing. he couldn’t process why she was there but he shrugged that away and made his way over to her looking down at her. he wasn’t sure exactly what to say in that moment. all he could think about was how badly she hurt him and how badly he still wanted her. he was a fool. he told himself that every day. this was the girl that hurt him and here he was contemplating whether or not he should kiss her. he supposed if anything did happen and he just left after it it would hurt her. but he didn’t really care about that. sighing he shook his head at her ‘why did you come out here Julia” he murmured softly his eyes closing halfway as he squinted down at her. it was dark out and the only light was the light from the porch. he couldn’t make out her expression fully. whether that was from the light or because his mind was fuzzy to begin with he didn’t know. running his fingers through his hair he took her hand leading her away from the house. ‘lets talk, but I need to try and walk some of this off’ murmurs more to himself then to her as he started walking down the street keep a firm rip on her hand so she couldn’t escape him. he didn’t know if he would be doing this if he was sober but right now he needed to talk. he needed her to tell him why she did it. why she left. why she didn’t let him help her. he knew if he was sober he wouldn’t be having this conversation with her and he knew that the next morning he probably would want to pretend like it didn’t happen. but right now he needed answers. when he finally was able to walk without falling over he turned to look at her biting his lip slightly. “I just need to know why, why you felt you had to leave, I would have been there for you, but you left, I don’t understand. you didn’t even have enough respect for me to tell me to my face’ says to her shrugging his shoulder as if he was just/ curious but still indifferent about the situation. - status: finished. outfit: HERE. listening to: same mistakes one direction.

[julia marie deckertt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 380px; background-color:#fff; border-left: 0px solid #cdcdcd; border-right: 0px solid #cdcdcd;] she herself was trying not to stumble, she was trying not to stagger. slowing her breathing she closed her eyes and clutched onto the porch. she had only wanted to check to make sure he was ok, it was not her idea to be standing there, awkwardly at this very moment, but someone inside had other plans for her. she opened her eyes and he was no longer sitting on the curb, but now standing in front of her looking down at her. she blinked hard and looked up at him. there were a various amount of emotions running through her right now. she wanted to yell at him for being an asshole, apologize for being the way she was, leaving the way she did, and kiss him. she never wanted to lose him, but did she really even have him anymore? levi was not hers. he was free game, and that meant while she was gone he could have felt feelings for someone else. this made her hurt. she looked down at her feet and shrugged away at his question. why did she come outside. why did she still care. most girls would have said screw it and moved on, but julia was different. she did care about him, and she did want him back, but no matter how hard she tried it seemed like she wasnt going to get him back as easy as she thought. she looked up again and frowned. i came out to make sure you were ok, but someone pushed me she shrugged again. i didnt mean to intrude she wanted to turn to run back inside. being this close to him, closest she had been to him in months, and it made her want to vomit. she felt it coming, but before she could turn and run inside he was pulling her down the path to the walk. the next few moments were a blur, she heard him speaking but the words were mumbled and her eyes were blurry as she was pulled along the walk. they finally stopped she managed to regain her vision and most of her soberness. she looked at him as he spoke, feeling the inside of her screaming and beating itself. he was right. everything he said was right. it was all right. she was an asshole. she didnt even have the decency to tell him that she was leaving, she wrote him a damn note. she swallowed away the pain and inner argument and finally spoke. levi. she paused looking down and back up. it was really hard for me and im sorry. i didnt know what to do after my parents were murdered. she shrugged and felt herself crossing her arms. i was stupid and i know that now. you deserved to know. you deserved me not leaving. you deserved someone better she uncrossed her arms and looked up at him, blinking. TAGGED; LEVI, WEARING; CLICK

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[leviticus declan moore]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width:400px; background-color:#ffffff; border: solid #87649F 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 10px;] we'll play the same old games and we'll wait for the end to change - levi at this point didn’t really know what he was doing. he wanted to hear her explanation but at the same time he knew that wasn’t going to change anything. he knew they would still be in this situation in the morning and he would still be angry at her. she left without any explanation without her telling him why she couldn’t just stay. he understood what happened to her parents was hard. that it wasn’t something you just got over, but at the same time he had been there for her. he had wanted to try and help in any way possible but she didn’t want it. running his fingers through his hair messing it up he let a breath out frustrated at himself and at her. listening to her speak he looked away from her down the road. he didn’t know how he had the right to be pissed because of the reasoning. he didn’t know what it was like to lose both your parents like that and that was why he always felt guilty for being mad at her. he had no idea what he would have done if it had been his parents or one of his family members even. yet he was still angry. he was pissed that she left like that and all she left was a note. shaking his head he shrugged slightly. “well I guess its done and over with, you made your decision and that is that” mutters. he honestly had no idea what else he could say to that. “im sorry about your parents, you know I am, but I could have helped you if you would have let me” looking back at her finally he was at a loss for words. he still cared deeply for her and he wished things were different but this is how things were. they couldn’t just go back and be what they had been before. he didn’t trust her like he did back then and most relationships were built on trust. not to mention even though he was having these thoughts now in the morning he wouldn’t probably regret the whole conversation. looking away from her his eyes flickered towards his friends house which to him looked more then inviting at the moment. he really didn’t want her driving at this point and figured he didn’t want to go back to the party so why no invite her in. “if you want I can make you some coffee or something, I just don’t want to go back to the party and im crashing at my friends anyways” motions towards his friends house a few houses ahead of them. - status: finished. outfit: HERE. listening to: same mistakes one direction.

[julia marie deckertt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 380px; background-color:#fff; border-left: 0px solid #cdcdcd; border-right: 0px solid #cdcdcd;] standing there in this moment, julia felt as if she was going to throw up, or pass out, or both at the same time. the alcohol was starting to get to her and this talk with levi was starting to make her want to just ball up in a corner and cry the night away. but no, she couldnt because now she was stuck here. she ran away and now she had to face her consequences. she had screwed him over, and now it was her turn to hurt. she stood there, taking all of his words in. she let out a sigh and breathed in before speaking, but no words came out. she really didnt have any words. everything he said was true. she couldnt look at him anymore, so she looked down at her feet. she couldnt look at the one person who she cared about, still cared about, and the one person she ruined everything good she had going. she considered what to say back for a moment, the silence becoming unbareable, almost suffocating her in her own thoughts. she finally let out a breath and looked up. yes, i did make my decision and i know now that it was a shitty decision to make. she paused looking back down and sighing again, frustrated with herself more then anything else. she looked back up and right at him. i am really sorry for what i did. i dont know how else to put it. i know here and now is not the time and place to be saying that but i want you to know that, i am sorry. i know you would have helped me, but i didnt want to let anyone in. i wanted to be alone she shrugged. all the words coming out of her right now were giving her a headache. she rubbed her temples and let out a scoffing sigh at herself. the silence started to sink in and she really just wanted to lay in the road and wait for a car. when he spoke of his friends she opened her eyes and looked in the general direction of the house he was indicating to. at this point in the night what else could go wrong, who knew maybe they would just put her out of her misery, or she would continue to drink till she put herself into a coma, or..he would make her coffee. that sounded nice. she needed to sober up. she felt the world spinning and she closed her eyes to make it stop. pressing the hard together she finally opened them and nodded. sure, that sounds refreshing right about now she didnt even know what she was doing or saying, it was just happening. TAGGED; LEVI, WEARING; CLICK

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